Sometimes life hands us a bunch of lemons, and we end up sitting there beating ourselves up about the bunch of lemons. Self-loathing can be such a challenge when we continuously compare, stay in the past and believe the lies we tell ourselves.
Self-loathing is the act of hating yourself! Self-loathing can show itself in our unhealthy relationships, food, and neglect of who we really are. So, in order to fight the lies we tell ourselves here are 6 tips to fight self-loathing.
1. Don't Live in the past or the future
I am definitely guilty of focusing so much on the future, what I want, and who I want to be, that I miss how awesome life is right now.
Being present to our places here and now can stop the inner dialogue about the past. When we engage with the present, we will notice how our past has shaped us, but also how we can still be happy and vibrant because of it all. When you are focused on what is going on in front of you, you can’t think about the past simultaneously. It just doesn't work.
We may have dreams, ambitions, and goals that we continually strive for. These are great things that are part of our self-care as much as who we are and want to be. But, continuously planning for the future, being wrapped in who and what you want later on in life, drains you of the present day.
You may be working hard to accomplish dreams and develop your self, but enjoying the journey will make it more fun. You can take time to beat yourself up about how you aren’t where you should be, or once again made a mistake, comparing yourself to your future ideal. Or, you realize that in the present moment you are learning a lesson that will be reflected later on.
Being able absorb all that the present has to offer will change you for the better. It will make you happier. So, when your thoughts about the past or the future get your head spinning with negative thoughts, stop. Come back to the present moment.
2. Befriend your demons
We all have our demons. They may be instincts, habits, or ways of judging ourself and others. Acknowledging your demons without judgment is a first step to accepting who you are right now. They may be the parts of yourself that you would rather ignore, but they are still apart of you.
Be friendly, be gentle and be kind. You are dealing with yourself, your past, and emotions. You are not there to beat yourself up like a dirty rug. When you get to know the demons in your head, you may come to find out where they came from. You will discover what insecurities, fears, and old wounds they think they are protecting you from.
When you can have a talk with your demons, you as the adult, and them as children, you will find that you have a lot more love to give to yourself. You have a lot more tools to help them, and you have the ability to silence their negativity. You can discover why certain thoughts come up at certain times, and the kind words needed to make the negative words stop.
Sit and spend time with yourself and your demons. It will help you heal wounds and along with accepting all the parts that make up you.
3. Question Your thoughts
We talk to ourselves a lot and may have been repeating the same things to ourselves for 20 years. That does not make it true. Limiting beliefs are simply the lies we tell ourself. These beliefs often occur when there is fear, failure, or negative interactions.
When we say these negative thoughts out loud or share them, we may hear just how absurd or untrue they really are. Start with noticing some beliefs that you think are true, but are negative and don’t help you move forward. Write them down, then come up with realistic alternatives.
Also, if you feel that you can, share your beliefs with a friend or a loved one. See what they have to say. It will usually surprise you that they don’t believe that about you, and will list reasons why it is not true. Take note.
You are worth loving, you will reach success, and you can be happy.
4. Embrace Compassion
When we have trained ourselves to be our harshest critiques, it means that no one can really hurt our feelings. You already started beating yourself up and so there isn’t much that other people could say or do that you haven’t already said or thought of. The bad thing about this is that we usually take it way too far.
What should have been a small admonishment, turns into catastraphizing, and repeated hours of beating yourself up. Being kind and compassionate to ourselves, doesn’t make us weaker, or let us off the hook. It actually helps us move forward in the healthier way.
When we can forgive ourselves and our mistakes we can prevent further emotional wounds and limiting beliefs that occur when we abuse and shame ourselves. Abuse and shame do not stop unwanted behavior and frequently fuel the fire for it.
Acknowledge that you are a human that, you makes mistakes. Move forward in a positive way, armed with new knowledge for the journey ahead.
5. Find Your Flow
There is a time when your negative thoughts and self-loathing have to stop. That is when you are in your flow. When you are doing something that has all of your focus. When you are completely engaged at the task on hand, you have found your flow.
It can be a magical moment when your brain is firing away for one thing. Embrace it. If you have yet to find your flow, or work doesn’t really do it for you, dig into some hobbies.
6. Collect Good Feelings
Most people have a hard time accepting compliments. I am guilty of it. But, really we need to collect all of those good thoughts, compliments, and blessings and write them down. Build a collection a good feelings. Have a journal or a jar that holds all these positive things.
Document the good memories, achievements, and laughs. So you have something to call upon when your thoughts turn to the negative. You will have evidence to prove those thoughts wrong.
Self-loathing can be challenging to overcome. Try these different ideas on your journey of self-love. While you work towards being more self-loving, remember to not beat yourself up for beating yourself up. Acknowledge it and move on. Let me know what ways you use to combat your self-loathing thoughts.