7 Steps to Help you Get clarity on what you want out of life

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There are times in life where everything may seem unclear. You may know what you want, but not clear on how to get it. You may have relationships you want but not sure how to maintain them. Or you may be wanting to gain clarity on your purpose. If you are wanting to find your purpose read the Finding Purpose Series.

If you do have an idea of what you want in life, but are unsure of how to actually accomplish it or gain clarity and focus on it, keep reading. Get clear on what you want in relationships, career, and life. 

I gathered a lot of these ideas from High Performance Habits, read the book review

The first step is to start with the basics. 

1. Know Yourself

Do you know the answers to these questions: Who am I? What do I value? What are my strengths? And weaknesses? What are my goals? Whats my plan?

Maybe you don’t have a plan, but can you articulate your flaws, your values, who you are? Knowing the answers to these questions is important to gaining clarity on what you want, but also on how you are going to get there. 

As you learn and grow you will discover more about yourself and what you are capable of. But knowing right now where you are is will help you know what direction to travel in. 

2. Who Do You Want To Be 

You may not know what career you want, what your purpose is, or how to fully proceed if you do know. That’s okay. The next step is really asking yourself who you want to be in the future. You can picture yourself at retirement age, in 20 years or at the end of this year. 

Gain Clarity on the Future You 

When you think about who you want to be, think about not just the stuff that you hope to have, but who you have transformed into being. Are you happier, more confident, have an inner strength shining for the world to see? Do you feel safe, more creative, more comfortable in your own skin, or healthier? 

Just as you are able to describe who you are, you should be able to describe who you want to be. This also means being able to describe who you show up as in situations. 

Be Clear On How You Will Show Up

Think about interactions with family, co workers, strangers over the past several months. Are you being who you want to be? What would the future you do, feel, behave like in those situations?

Exercise 1

List 3 words that describe your future self. Write those words down, attach them to a daily alarm. I have my alarm go off three times a day. When your alarm goes off, assess if you are empowering words?

This will be a reminder and an affirmation. You will work on those characteristics on a daily basis. While, also telling yourself that you can be and are those attributes. 

3. Get Clarity In Relationships 

You briefly thought of how you would interact with people in the previous section now we will go deeper.

Be Clear On How You Are In Your Relationships Now 

How are you interacting with each person in your life? What tone do you use? What energy do you want to create? How are you being a better listener? Are you generating positive emotions with others? Are you being a good role model?

If you struggle with being present in your relationships and interactions learn how to take actions to be more present, read 15 Ways to Be More Present.

Define How You Will Interact With Others 

Now figure out how you will interact with people. Start with 5 most important people in your life. As you learn how to proceed with those people look at another five. Starting with people you know better will help you be able to answer these questions. What tone you will set? How you will generate positive emotions? What the other person will need?

How Do You Want To Be Treated 

In each relationship we have different wants and needs to be met. So, ask yourself what exactly are you wanting from each relationship. How do you want to be treated? If you can articulate them now it is a lot easier to articulate them to someone else. 

You cannot make someone treat you with more respect or kindness. But, you can continue to treat others with the same characteristics that you seek to be treated with. It can be very challenging to do this, when others are not, if you struggle with this read this post

Exercise 2

Choose 1-3 words of how you want to be remembered by 5 people in your life. Now intentionally seek to fulfill those words in each situation, interaction, and moment with those people. 

The point of this exercise is to make you more aware of your actions around people. Remember that asking and checking in with others, to see if you are taking steps and actions that embody the words you want to be remembered by is essential.

4. Choose How You Want to Feel

We all can choose how we react in each situation and interaction. Yes, sometimes we let our emotions get the best of us. But when we know that we don’t want to be angry, rushed, or caught off guard in our responses we take different actions to make sure it won’t happen. 

Clarity On What Feelings and Thoughts You Bring Situations 

What feelings are you bringing to situations and what are you getting from the situation. Do you always come in with a negative attitude that things will go poorly, during every meeting with your boss, and then it does? Are you able to bring in a clean slate or are you just going through the motions completely detached?

Know how you are effecting the situations and people around you will help you be more aware of what emotions need to be brought into each situation.  

Take Action On How You Want to Feel 

Describe the emotion you want to feel in a situation? Visualize It.  Know what could hinder you from getting to feel those emotions. Prepare for those situations and how to combat, maneuver around or avoid them. What other emotions are going to come up during the situation? 

Knowing how to calibrate emotions so that you can have feelings that will be positive and help you move forward can be challenging to master. It takes patience and a consistent reminder that you are in control of what you bring to every situation. 

This doesn’t mean you stuff down your emotion to not experience them. It means changing your view of the experience so that you are not feeling like your emotions are being taken for a ride, but they are your choice.   

Exercise 3

Picture how a situation will make you feeling before, during and after. Walk through possible challenges in the situation that you may encounter and how you will emotionally react to them. 

This exercise will help affirm what emotions you want to bring. But, also plan for those emotions in a positive way. Making them more of reality, that is in your control. 

5. Are You Checking In

When you reflect and check in on past occurrences you can see what has worked and what hasn’t. You will see what you keep neglecting or are often challenged with. This makes it more clear that you have the power to change your outcomes and your emotions. 

Are you constantly checking in for positive feelings. Check in with yourself and write it out. Are stepping up or sitting in the negative emotions? How are you planning for those negative situations?

Document the places in your life that you have been struggling with negative or undesirable feelings. Know that you need to take action, or try again. Not every situation or interaction can always go according to plan. But, when you learn more about the people you are interacting with, and what emotions are tumbling around in you, you can see how you can work on yourself to make situations more positive. 

What do you want to feel more of? Being aware that you are feeling a lack of something is okay. You can work on feeling that in a positive way. But, acknowledging it as your reflect is important to not let it dictate emotional situations. 

Exercise 4

Ask yourself how do I want to feel today? How will I create a day to get that feeling? Where may I have some hiccups? 

This exercise is similar to exercise 3 which was centered more around important events and interactions. Asking yourself this on a daily basis will help you bring your “A Game” to work. If you do struggle with bringing your best, most productive self to work, read 4 Habits to Help You Constantly Bring Your “A Game” To Work

6. What Skills Will You Need to Develop 

This is the time to really get clear on what you are seeking out of life. Compile all the information that you have learned about yourself and see what skills will need to be improved upon in order to reach that idea of your future self. What will you have to learn to get there?

Your future self is going to have more skills, be more proficient, elegant, influential, and confident, so what skills will you need to be learning to see that into actualization. From the 2nd and 3rd sections you will have decided that you will have to step up your game in order to become the person you want to be and you want others to see you as. 

If you have goals, and plans on your career, hobbies, or anything else, you will have to continue to learn in those areas of your life, as well,  to reach your future ideas. 

Think about being successful in your field, or relationships. What skills do the people in those fields, or successful relationships have that you are lacking or need improvement on? Choose 3 skills to focus on this year. 

Make a curriculum and figure out how you are going to learn more about those skills and put them into action. Choose books, podcasts, courses, blogs to read, people to follow. If you need a resource guide, I have created one with over 145 different resources compiled to help you succeed. 

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Make a plan to spend one hour a week working on each of these skills. Choose what you would like to read or finish in a quarter and continue to track and record your accomplishments and success.

7. How Will You Serve

Know that everyones purpose in life is service. We all have a passion, a purpose, a calling and it will serve to the benefit of others. You may think that your passion is small or insignificant, but that is not the case. We all will serve others and make a difference. 

It is important to recognize that serving is a part of everyones purpose and should be something that we all seek to do well in. We should be clear on how we want to serve better and more passionately in our own way. 

This can be a struggle if you don’t have a clear purpose or passion, because you think it has to be tied to your career. It doesn’t have to be. How you serve now will impact your future and help give you clarity on who you want to be, and how you would like to impact your community. 

Ask yourself, how will you serve uniquely and add more value than others do. 

Getting a clear picture of your future is difficult. But with these 6 steps you will have better clarity on who you will be. It is less important about the actually decide to stick with as a career and more about how you show up, and impact others lives. This is not your typical way of getting clear on what your purpose is, but can really dig deeper in to the essentials of life. Let me know in the comment below how these steps have given you clarity on your future.