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Everyone can present themselves as good, passionate, strong people when things are going well. Of course it feels like we are presenting our best selves when you are enjoying life.
But when shit hits the fan who are you? Do you end up degrading to an immature person who later has to clean up an even bigger mess? Do you let your mouth and emotions run away from you? Do life events feel like a personal attack on you? I am sure we have all been there at one time or another.
When I think of the person I want to be through certain situations, I am able to articulate a strong yet caring woman. I stand my ground but am understanding. Now showing up to situations embodying these attributes is another challenge. We don't always show up with our head screwed in and calmness surrounding us. Sometimes instead of articulating ourselves with giant words from a dictionary, we would prefer to throw the dictionary at the person.
Know you can be any type of person you want to be!
Some of us may say, I'm just not a patient person or I'm just not confrontational. This may be true, but it doesn't mean you can't embody and be any type of person you choose to be. You could be the biggest introvert and embody characteristics that put you at the center of attention with people who admire you. It is possible.
Saying it is not who I am or it just the way I am are excuses to not work hard. We all must strive to present ourselves in the best way in every situation. It isn't the easiest task, nor is it probably high on most people's lists. But, embodying key characteristic of who you want to show up and be makes you realize you are capable of so much more. Past circumstances, events, trauma are not permanent limitations.
Regardless of who you say you are identify qualities you wish you had or admire.
Where are you not showing up?
Identifying places or people that ignite something else other than who you want to be and show up as is important. Some of us don't like how we are at work, in certain relationships, or certain types of situations. What situations or settings bring out your negative side, whether that be you not speaking your thoughts and concealing your emotions or yelling them, but not the you that is confident in your voice and kind with your words.
Who do you want to show up as?
A badass. A compassionate, vocal human being. Someone who maintains their boundaries. Someone who is not affected by the demeanor and words of others.
Picture yourself being that in those situations. Walk it out in your mind. You have the ability to be anything you want to be. Choose to be it. See it.
This part is more about visualizing yourself with those qualities. What do you do? What do you say? How do you act? Are you dressed differently? Picture all of the details of you embodying this new charchteristic. Get comfortable with it.
Really figure out what you say in the specific situation. Take notes and use them for the actual situation. What attitude do you bring? What do you need to do to present that attitude? The more you become comfortable with the idea of the you empowering this new trait the easier it will be.
Taking nothing personally.
This is probably the most challenging part of this whole ordeal, or else you wouldn't have a problem showing up as you. When you can step back from the event and remember that you are dealing with flawed human being just like yourself, knowing that they too probably don't show up as they wish they could, makes it all a little easier. Know that you can set the pace of the conversation and hold to your values through out it.
Human beings are usually going through many different emotions that we are not aware of. Sometimes people only know one form of communication when they are angry - yell and deflect and be mean. Not everyone has the skill sets to asses every situation and then decide how they will respond. You can only change how you react to the situation. You can't make any one else do what you want them too. You can't make them understand. You can't make them calm down, be nicer, or communicate more effectively.
But you do control you. Which is awesome! You can control how you react. When you are focused on being you you can take everything going on with a grain of salt and better understand why the situation is playing out as it is. Everything is not happening to YOU. It is happening. The world doesn't revolve around you or me. Though it may feel like it or we wish it did.
Know that you are strong and difficult situation will pass. Nothing is permanent. You can choose to show up as you when you are ready. Take the leap! You are strong, kind and can show all of you in passion, understanding and beauty.