Learning to love yourself

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Learning to love yourself is challenging. We are constantly beating ourselves up, comparing ourselves, and thinking we aren’t being the best we can be. Self-love is essential for long term happiness, moving forward to success, and getting what you want out of life. 

Self-love can transform our lives. So how do we start the journey of loving ourselves a little bit more? Below are steps to help you learn to love all of yourself, even the parts you wish you could hide. 


Too many times I given compassion to others and left none for myself. This usually means that all I have left for myself is words of shame, negativity, and bullying. Now is the time to have compassion for yourself. 

When we were young we completely accepted ourself as we were, with our bellies, baldness and poop stained pants. As we began to grow we are told what needed to change or be better, constantly. From these lessons we learn how to beat ourselves up and tell ourselves the million and one changes that need to be made. 

Compassion for yourself is acceptance of your full self. It is not something you have to wait to give yourself when you feel that you deserve it. You can have it now. Accept yourself with all your flaws. You can love flaws, that doesn’t mean you have settled and are never going to change. 

Self-compassion is not you letting yourself off the hook. You acknowledge the wrongs that you do, you take responsibility for them. You are still able to love and accept yourself after your mistakes and failures. That is self-compassion. 

With self-compassion comes kind, gentle words. You care for yourself and treat yourself as such. If you really struggle with giving yourself some self-compassion, read 6 Ways to Fight Self-Loathing. You will learn tactics to help combat your in bully. 


We all have made mistakes and messed up. Sometimes people have forgiven us and sometimes people haven’t. Regardless of what has occurred, you have to forgive yourself. It can feel like an uphill battle at the end of the day after the shaming, and beating yourself up. So, try to have some self-compassion for yourself. 

Forgiving yourself isn’t the easiest act to take either. Like it may take time for others to forgive you, you may take time to forgive yourself. But, starting the act of forgiveness is important. We have caused more damage with an unforgiving attitude and the shaming and bullying self-talk. This will only lead us to catastrophize or repeat the same mistakes. 

Forgiveness with self-compassion will eliminate the negative, bullying self-talk. You will learn to overcome obstacles, and move forward knowing you still love and forgive yourself at the end of the day.  

get to know yourself 

Self-love is a journey with yourself. We often take the time to get to know other people, their interests, passions, hobbies, insecurities, and fears. But, we don’t take the time to dig in to know ourselves. This can feel odd, when you think you already know yourself. 

You know yourself, but you have also pushed and hidden parts of yourself. When you bully and beat yourself up constantly, of course parts of you will stop showing up, because you think they are wrong, inappropriate, or don't meet expectations. Everyone has flaws. Getting to know them and accept them is what self-love is all about.

Exploring everything about yourself and accepting all the parts, even the hidden away ones, will only help you know and love all of yourself. 

take continuous action for yourself 

Spend Quality Time With Yourself 

Every week make sure you plan time with yourself. That is time that you invest into you discovery of who you are. You explore interests and have fun. It is a time to have an adventure with yourself, not binge watch a TV show. 

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A great task to do often is meditate. With consistency, you will notice the difference in your inner dialogue. If you don’t know how to meditate read How to Meditate. I teach you some simple ways to meditate, along with give you a free How to Meditate Mini Workbook. 

Give Your Body Some Love 

Love on your body, whatever that means to you. It may be indulging in massages, hair cuts, and mani, pedis. Whatever makes you feel like you are giving your body some lovin, do it. 

Exercise and treat your body with the respect you know it deserves. As you learn to love your body, you will learn its needs, and how to fuel it properly. Make you body strong and healthy. 

Stand up straight, lift your head and smile. Own every ounce of body that you have. Be proud of it. 

Make Goals 

Making goals for yourself is part of your self-care and self-love. Pushing yourself will build self-esteem. You will also discover just how many things you are capable of. So, start small. As you gain momentum you will see your confidence rise and you will reach further and further for each goal. 

Self-love is not mastered. It is a journey that takes a lifetime to fulfill. Learning to love ourselves isn’t supposed to be easy or quick. It is an exploration of yourself. A continuous acceptance of all the good, bad and ugly. But, you are not alone in the journey, as we each try to love ourselves a little bit more, and a little bit better each day. 

How do you show yourself love? Let me know in the comments below.